The question about how much pornography consumption is healthy is common concern for many couples and one TikToker has taken to social media to show the true cost that pornography has had on her own body image and her marriage.
Jourdan Kehr @thatsnotlove openly talks about her husband's addiction to porn on the platform as a way to warn others about the secrets spouses may be hiding from their partners.
On some of her videos, she speaks about the myth that porn spices up a relationship, instead she says porn “completely changes your arousal template, it rewires your brain and reconditions your body.”
The TikToker says, “The mentality that I can't get behind, that I don't understand. When you're dating a man, you're committing to a man, you're giving your body to a man, sleeping with him.. this idea that a man is asking you to sleep with him, asking you to marry him, asking you to be his girlfriend, don't be with anyone else, don't date anyone else…but it is somehow uncalled for, for that woman to say, ‘I need some kind of proof that you’re not watching porn behind my back…that you're not lusting after other women.' That's seen as crazy, like give him some privacy.”
Kehr openly talks about the trauma she has to endure from her husband's addiction “when the person that you loved is the one that hurts you and you didn't see it coming, your entire worldview collapses.”
She shares footage of herself upset and turning the mirror around, not wanting to look at herself, writing in the caption, “How porn addiction can affect your spouse." She writes: “I went from loving my post-partum body to despising it. Each glimpse was a reminder of the woman who wasn't enough.”
She also shares content based around her husband's recovery and recently divulged how she researched the Oppenheimer film ahead of time in order to “have a game plan” with her partner during the film's sex scenes featuring Florence Pugh.
She and her husband decided beforehand that whenever there was nudity, he would close his eyes and rest his head on her shoulder so that she could quietly tap him when the scene was over and it was safe to look again. Kinda how my mom closes her eyes during really scary plane crash scenes (she has a thing about turbulence) except also not like this at all.
She said in the video: “Obviously I heard about it, yes we wanted to see it, it has an amazing rating…We prepared ourselves. I didn't know when the scene was going to happen and I also didn't understand how the scene was happening. I thought it was just several minutes straight of…” Jourdan mouths the word 'sex' rather than verbalising it, before continuing: “But it wasn't, it was actually broken up into like it would be a flash of that and then it would be a flash of normal life and then it would be a flash of the scene. It was very back and forth so it was really difficult to avoid it.”
She said, “So essentially what we did was when the scene came up, when things were happening, he literally closed his eyes and laid his head on my shoulder... And then I would just let him know when it was over.”
This video was reposted to Twitter by Bethany, a.k.a. @filmgal, with the caption, “This actually makes me feel like I’m losing my mind,” and two days later it’s been viewed 38 million times.
Porn addiction is real, and if seeing a sex scene was going to be triggering for either one of them, again, close your eyes, they’re your eyes, no one is stopping you, have a ball with your eyes closed.
Back on her TikTok, Jourdan claims that thanks to the video being posted to Twitter, she’s getting rude and hateful messages from new people discovering her account, which sounds about right (people are the worst). But what might surprise you (or maybe it won’t!) is that a lot of people agree with her. The comments on her posts are filled with stories from women whose partners have left them at vulnerable times in their life to watch porn, or who get unreasonably angry when they try to bring up how their partner’s porn use makes them feel. Which sucks, but also…the problem is those men, not Oppenheimer?
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