Lost in showbizCelebrityThe singer's self-tweeted photo whipped up a storm of righteous indignation, but don't blame Jodie Marsh for US gun violenceExciting moves in the outrage markets this week, as a photo of a One Direction singer on a high ledge knocks Man United's Chris Smalling off the top spot for Own Goal of the Month. Meanwhile, a hammy snap of Jodie Marsh with a gun forces the glamour model to shoulder at least 51% of the blame for the latest school shooting in America.
But first, a recap. Smalling, you may be aware, was recently revealed to have dressed as a "Jagerbomber" for a private party at his house – a punning costume which involved a keffiyeh, a circuit board and bottles of Jägermeister where explosives might otherwise be. Alas, the outrage when the picture leaked failed to spark a debate over which might be deemed more repulsive: a photo of something a footballer wore inside his own home, or reporters ringing round families of victims of the 7 July bombings, telling them about said photo, and demanding to know whether it was what their dead kid deserved.
My favourite think piece on the matter? Probably the one from the Mail writer whose attempt at being offended contrived to be somewhat off-colour itself. "He looked like a suicide bomber," she explained, "albeit a thirsty, alcohol-tolerant one."
Well quite. Funny sort of Muslim, innit?
As indicated, though, Smalling has now been deposed by One Direction's Liam Payne, whose self-tweeted snap of him on the high ledge of a tower block was simply too much for the Sun's easily-distressed head of showbiz Dan Wootton. "My plea to Liam is to cool it now," he begged in a movingly punned first-person piece entitled "Don't be a fall, mate". "You've made your point – you can be a bad boy. But you're a role model to millions and you have to keep safe for their sake and yours. Bring back Mr Sensible for a while, please."
Modern showbiz: what a riot, eh? The only sadness, really, is that the Sun neglected to smoke out the parent of some poor child who fell to their death from a balcony or somesuch, and ginger them into condemning the picture as an insult to all victims of such tragic accidents. Thank heavens the dutiful Liam was marched on to his Twitter account forthwith. "It was a stupid and irresponsible thing to do. I am sorry. I regret being there and having a photo taken of me. I do not endorse any fans trying to repeat this as it is extremely dangerous."
Commendably, there was no such self-laceration from Marsh, whose Charlie's Angels-style pose with a gun while filming in LA was judged to be in staggeringly poor taste, coming on the day of the latest US school shooting.
"I'm not encouraging people to go out and buy a gun and hurt anybody," ran her exasperated comments to the Sun. "I'm not saying in that picture: 'Look go out and buy a gun.'"
Yes, without wishing to hand the paper another World! Exclusive!, there are shootings EVERY DAY in America, to say nothing of gun suicides and accidental firearm deaths. In fact, since the Sandy Hook massacre, scarcely more than a year ago, it is estimated there have been well over 30,000 gun deaths in the US. So with the best will in the world, you have to think this is slightly bigger than Marsh's Instagram feed.
And yet, is it? Never underestimate your own capacity for failing to see the wood for the trees as far as misplaced outrage goes. Happily, there will always be media outlets – even ones as august as the New York Times – to put things into perspective. Lost in Showbiz plays out with thanks to Jezebel writer Lindy West for tweeting a report on this week's story of the Florida man shot dead in a row over texting in the cinema. Its verdict (since mysteriously deleted)? "The killing underscored the debate about when to use smartphones in public."
So remember, kids: guns don't kill – smartphones do. And celebrities. And on that Jägerbombshell.
ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7tbTEoKyaqpSerq96wqikaKSZm7KiusOsq7KklWS5sL%2FToqWsoJ%2Bsr6rGjmtnamxfn66ve5BvZqimlWKxqr7EnKuip55iuaqtzGanmrGemnqjrcucpqexXaW1sMDOZquampyktqV5zq6rq5mXmg%3D%3D